Monster Mountain excerpt

Okay, so I finally posted some of my writing! I was hoping to post some of my sci-fi/apoc writing (since that is what most of my ideas center around) but I didn't find anything that was good enough quality or something that I wanted to start with.

"Monster Mountain" is a idea, that like pretty much all of my stories, is a concept shaped by inspiration from movies and video games. I'm a very visual person, but I don't have tons of money to make movies. But writing is free.

My various concepts are all work-in-progresses, and they kind of all roll around in a big inspirational washing machine, being affected by all the different sources of inspirations and ideas that I have, changing and adapting as a result.

Feel free to rip this from stem to stern! But no grammar Nazis, please.

Tethamar walked back home. His cabin in the woods; his existence. A tiny construction of stone and wood, his dwelling carved into his corner of the earth. 

He carried a bundle of firewood under his arm, and his Skeffspar in his other. The cabin sat there, warm and inviting. 
Like a mother beckoning its child home. Firelight peeped from the windows, the dark trees encapsulated the cabin in a shadowy embrace, their shadows painted long and soft against the silent snow. 

Tethamar opened the door and latched it behind him, shutting out the cold for the night. No matter the dangers on the outside world, this would always be solace, the one safe place from all evils. 

Fairbain, a mountain wolf lay in the corner of the room nestled upon blankets of rich fur. His ears perked at the sight of his master, his eyes sparkling, as if tiny glimmers of the animal's devotion and intelligence were about to burst out. As if this one night his dumb animal tongue might break loose and tell of stories never revealed to human ears.

Tethamar set the wood down and placed his hat on its place on the peg. He gingerly grasped the iron tongs of the fireplace and retrieved the coffeepot from its stand, setting it down on the hearth where it gave off steam like a sleeping dragon. 

The wind whispered around the cabin, to say that it was still there, but no, it would not come in. For even the wind will respect a person, after they have lived together so long.

Fairbain stared intently. Tethamar narrowed his own eyes, to decipher the beasts language. They both knew what was imminent. The mountain had been trembling and moaning, the wind was still calm. But the breath of a monster was haunting and lurking, beneath the surface; at the outer edges of perception. Tethamar went to bed that night; calm, but no longer with the inner peace of known safety.

His sword, Eskelionarris, lay beneath the bed, like a warrior lying in a tomb. Soon it would be needed. The song of evil was silently singing at the door, the wind was telling him softly, very softly, that it was there. 

I do not own this image


  1. Grammar nazi gets sad and leaves. :(


  2. I like it a lot actually. I want to hear the rest. My only criticisms would be that perhaps the name of his 2nd weapon could use a little work, and that the first one could possibly use a description. Also I commend you on your use of descriptive imagery, but in some parts it might actually need more. All and all if this is a 2nd Draft, It's brilliant. If it's a first draft IT NEEDS TO BE A SECOND DRAFT! Please don't miss out on rewrite's, no matter how painful it is to kill your baby and bring it back again It's always worth it. And like I said if this 2nd or 3rd draft already Ignore this, I'm not telling you cause this is bad, Like I said I think it is wonderful, but the first draft is rarely the best one, so it pains me when good writing could be made great.

    1. Yeah, the second weapon is a bit much. For English anyway.

      It is basically a first draft with just a few edits.

      Thanks for your opinion! I'm really glad to hear you like it. I have lots of ideas that I am exploring and want to post. Hopefully I won't let this go away though, like you said.

      I will need to edit it, but just FYI, the Skeffspar is basically (as I first envisioned it) is basically a short spear.

      I will probably post on some other ideas, but I will come back with the second half of this! And I might even develop the plot and add more characters as well, because the story doesn't really go beyond what you have already read.


  3. It's not bad to be honest, much better than my sorry attempts that's for sure. I'd like to read more, even though fantasy is my least favourite genre. So feel free to give yourself a pat on the back.

    1. Sorry attempts? We'll never know until you post some.

      I am not a big fantasy fan either actually. Do you like sci-fi? I don't really do historical fiction (too lazy to do research and make things realistic). I have some good post-apoc stuff too. I definitely like sci-fi over fantasy.

    2. I like pretty much every thing but fantasy. Now as to sci-fi, I like it if it's not fantasy sci-fi. It has to be at least plausible.

  4. Hey, you changed your blog layout again.

    Your story is very poetic and seems to be paced well. It does not drag or hurry over places.

    Can't find any major flaws with it.

    1. Thanks! I hope to post more writing in the future, I'm glad you liked it. Not to mention your writing is very good, so I you have an educated opinion.

    2. Thanks:) I am interested to see how you write action scenes in particular.

    3. You're welcome. Yeah, action scenes are tricky. We shall see.


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